Stay within the lines
Another good evening of ball. Well, at the very least, the weather was good. Both games started out well, a number of innings were played, teams hit, teams fielded, teams won, teams lost. Teams even shared players so each could field a full complement. Started out well, with the best intentions. Yet, at the end of it all, some may have been left scratching their head, recalculating budgets to try to afford that new glove with less holes in it. Some were left with the realization they could never jump that high or, alternatively, that the ground was just a wee bit lower than they thought. Some may have been left tending to bruised egos (yeah, like we still bother to carry those about). Others were still able to successfully finish the game relatively unscathed. Relatively. Thankfully, there appeared to be no major injuries. Nothing permanent, anyways. As the games continued, some individuals, if not teams, appeared to degenerate into a series of mishaps, some players seemingly missing a good game even though they were knee deep in it. Some lost their penchant for basic math skills. Some experienced a comedy of errors, both on and off the field, some errors so profound they defy description, errors that words cannot adequately describe. Guess that lets me off the hook. Nothing to articulate here. Guess you had to be there, even if some of the players who were actually there weren’t. All ended up amused. Moving on.
Well, you may have guessed it was coming. We’ve reviewed the bases, the positions and even some of the basic rules, so now let’s visit some of the rules as they apply directly to our league. Realize we no longer prefer to stay within the lines but, since we are playing a game where it is extremely important to stay within those lines, we must adhere to some sort of regulation, maintain a certain semblance of order. Nothing too stringent and nothing you should not already be familiar with (infield fly rule aside). So let’s review a few of them. Of course, as is my wont, I may paraphrase, conjoin or otherwise have my way with them. Batter is to receive three pitches, thrown by a pitcher supplied by their own team. Just three. It does not say it has to be three good pitches, else we may need to extend our games to much longer than an hour to accommodate. As with the Jays, sometimes the bullpen is lacking.
Maximum of ten players on the field. Minimum of two women. Judging by the number of missed balls, perhaps we could use more. Women, if not just players. Funny how the ladies always seem to fair better at a game essentially designed around balls. If you’re team has ten players, you may not use subs. Was this ever an issue? Did we ever have a problem with players showing up and not wanting to play? Shouldn’t be playing, perhaps, but not occupying the bench simply due to laziness or complete indifference. Maybe we have too many players showing up just wanting to provide moral support, a futile effort at best? No, think we all show up to play, even if it may be a futile effort as well.
No metal spikes. Just because we cannot be trusted not to hurt ourselves, let alone others. There are already too many potential possibilities for injury. Self-inflicted wounds may be okay, but we do not want to inflict puncture wounds on others, even if we sometimes may wish to. Not with your shoes, in any event. Safety base. Not to be confused with the safety dance. If running straight to first and no further, touch the orange base. If you wish to continue to run your ass off to second or further, touch the white. But, as always, you can dance if you want to. Outfield and rovers are not allowed to be the first person to field a ball on the infield. Makes sense, but might be better if we reciprocated and did not allow the infield to be the first one to field a ball on the outfield. Might allow me to make it to base more often and not have to worry about hitting it within twenty feet of certain shortstops, who shall remain nameless.
Automatic out if home plate is touched. Interesting rule since it does not specify by whom and/or when. One assumes the batter when running home, but can also apply if they step on the plate in the process of hitting the ball. Think you would still be safe if a complete stranger walks onto the field and touches the base (or, at least, hopefully, a timeout is called). Can’t see this happening but, in our league, there is always a chance for bizarre behaviour. In a similar vein, catcher must be touching home plate to record an out. Once the commitment line is crossed, the runner must go home. Assume it depends on what type of commitment they are making. Sometimes, when you do cross the line, the last place you want to go is home. Might not be a good place to hide as it is the first place most will look. No, you don’t actually have to go to your primary residence, just to home plate, no matter how embarrassed you may be and how far away you may wish to get. Besides, at the end of the day, exhibiting strange behaviour such as that may just get you committed.
A hit ball that touches the pitcher or pitching screen is a dead ball. Unless it is a ball being thrown to home by a fielder into the pitching screen, then all bets are off. Interesting wording. Think a hit ball normally does a little more than ‘touch’ the pitcher. Definitely a more aggressive form of full frontal contact, even if it is normally to the posterior. Full swings only, no bunting or chopping at the ball. Assume all in reference to the bat hitting the ball, as chopping at the ball can be open to interpretation. No worries, since it is still possible to emulate a bunt even when taking a full swing. We’re that good or, perhaps, that bad. I tend to blame the pitching, but I may just be out of the swing of things. Courtesy runner must be the last out of the same sex. In today’s climate of sexual ambiguousness and complete reversals of physical components, the Human Rights Commission may have issues with this as implied. Similar sex, perhaps, which still leaves it open to misinterpretation. Think most don’t care, as long as, when the ball is hit, someone is running somewhere, most preferably to first base.
Early game home team picks up equipment and installs bases. Nice thought, in theory if not in practice. Think a few of us are willing to make the sacrifice to set it up if we show up early enough. Doesn’t take a lot of effort and avoids delay of games. Probably a skill everyone should be adept with. Even though no real skill is required, just a wee bit of math, a little bit of manual labour and, at times, a heightened stress level when putting the pitching screen together. Best as a guideline, rather than a rule. May be able to overlook without involving some sort of law enforcement. The goal is to have four balanced teams. Not going to happen. Not with our varied level of maturity, or is it immaturity? Definitely a wee bit of mental distress happening. Oh wait, maybe they just mean physically balanced. Still… Although most rules are made to be broken, these are essentially not to be tampered with, although we do manage to inflict minor damage on them at times. There are a few additional rules which were missed (or discussed in earlier blogs), but think the only longstanding, primary and permanent rule for our league is to simply have fun, to enjoy one’s self. Easy enough to do and all you really need to be concerned about. Definitely always something to laugh about. You might even cross the line and do so at the expense of others. Bound to be reciprocated at some point. The umpire will take care of most of the rest (even if we resist) and keep us from falling into utter chaos. At the very least, he will keep you in line.
